You Handle It Your Way . . .

Johnny’s wife has cancer. Brain cancer. But that’s not all – his mother-in-law is at his house every day!
He also is responsible for all the heating and air-conditioning and refrigeration in all of northern California’s Star Bucks. A lot of responsibility! A lot of stress.
Some people cope with stress by getting out into nature. Some by playing golf or pool or chess. Some take to drugs. Or drink. So how does Johnny cope with all his stress?
Well, sometimes he rushes home from a busy day on roofs and in tight spots to bake bread. Or cookies. Or pies. Or cakes. But not just any old cakes. Not only does he make round layer cakes with creamy fillings, he makes SQUARE layer cakes with cream cheese fillings. Does everything he bakes turn out perfectly? Well, no. His latest layer cake with fluffy lemon filling and a butter frosting fell all apart. It was a good example of the old adage to not judge a book by its cover. It looked like hell but tasted heavenly!
Everyone benefits from his stress-relieving cooking – his recent peanut butter cookies didn’t last even one day!
But this is not enough for this busy man. He adopted Maria, a boa constrictor snake. Not only adopted her, but also made her a beautiful glass enclosure with a personal pool to lounge in, a handcrafted tree for her to embrace and 2 thermostats to keep her at a comfortable temperature continuously. She started out eating little mice. Then bigger mice. Now she’s eating rats. And not only does Maria need fed, she also takes some additional care – the cage must be cleaned and she does love an occasional swim in the bathtub.
In his travels with his work Johnny meets up with all sorts of people and has had many varied experiences. One day, on the street corner in a town north of here a little boy had a box of baby chicks for sale. So for 50¢ apiece, he bought four little black as coal chicks and brought them home. He fed them by hand and soon they loved him and would come running when he got home from work. He loved them, too, Curly and Moe and ______ and even _____.. He loved them so much he wanted them to have better accommodations than the cardboard boxes they were calling home.
In his job one of his biggest headaches is pastry cases. Whether it is because employees neglect to reclose them after each opening, or because they are opened and shut so frequently or because of manufacturing flaws, it’s hard to tell, but sometimes they cannot be repaired and just die. So, ingenious man that he is, Johnny took a nonfunctioning one with glass curving from the top down the front and converted it into the most luxurious housing any chicken ever had. The magnificent mansion has two stories and an entrance to the ground below and so on out into their yard.
Well, with all this available home space, and his newfound interest in chickens, he sought out two exquisite Silkies with their ruffled headdresses and feather spats. He had to calm the original occupants until the six became friendly and kind to one another.
So much for beauty. His next foray into the poultry arena produced 3 ugly little chicks – ugly because their necks were bare and scrawny. And why were they so disfigured? Well these were no ordinary chicks – these were Transylvanian Naked Necks!
Did I forget to mention Kahlua? And Phil? and GEORGE? They lived in the Lucena household before the advent of Maria and the Chickens. Kahlua is a beautiful golden _____ who greets Johnny every night with kisses, especially in his ear. Phil is a gorgeous antisocial black and white cat rescued by son Jeremy. Rescued, I say, because he had previously belonged to college girls who had tortured him with purse–transportations on shopping trips and with many other indignities. Upon their graduation they abandoned him. Jeremy rescued Phil, and tried, unsuccessfully, to socialize him. George, a golden striped butterball, had been adopted by Debi for a cuddle companion.
Now the chickens have each other. George buddies with Debi, and Phil is a self-proclaimed loner. So all is well. Except for Kahlua. She has fun by herself in the backyard – she loves to climb the big old tree and chase the squirrels. Yes, Kahlua climbs the tree. Sometimes when Johnny gets home they climb the tree together. But Johnny is gone all day and Kahlua needs a playmate.
I guess that is why Johnny brought home the goat. We called him Gary the Goat for a day until Renée noticed his resemblance to one of our favorites – Oreo cookies. So now Oreo and Kahlua climb the tree and cavort happily together.

And where does all this leave Johnny? Feeding, cleaning up, and playing with his friends. And using the eggs the chickens lay to continue his beneficent baking! Stress? You say you have stress? Your wife has cancer? Your mother-in-law hovers? Your sister’s in prison? Your Mother got married? Well, you handle it your way, and Johnny will handle it his!!