“Debi had a wonderful mixture of realism and optimism. She knew she was dying and took care of DNR directives, planned her memorial, etc. But at the same time she was optimistic, continuing to plan an April trip in the truck with Johnny and actually talking about a time when she would go back to work,” said her favorite Aunt, Judi.
She wanted the service to be a teaching tool for those who don’t have the gospel yet and a reminder for those who do. She didn’t want people to be overly devastated because of her temporary absence from us.
The opening hymn was I Know That My Redeemer Lives of which she said, “that’s my testimony in a box.” She had asked her sister, Becky, to lead the music, which she did very well. (I don’t believe anyone beyond the very first few rows could see her tears). Her brother Wes gave the opening prayer.
For many years Debi taught music to the children in Primary and it was thrilling to hear them sing Families Can Be Together Forever.
When we were putting together all Debi’s plans, Johnny said, “I think we need to have the Plan of Happiness talk first; it really sets the stage for all else.”
Debi had wanted her little brother Rondi (Ron outside the family) to give the Plan of Happiness talk. She said, “the Plan Of Happiness, not the Plan Of Salvation. I know they are kind of synonymous, but I like the Plan Of Happiness.” Ron did a remarkable job of tying the plan in to Debi’s life and also of making everyone feel he was speaking to them, personally. In fact, one little under-one-year baby who had been entertaining an auntie stopped abruptly as Rondi began to speak and continued to give him his full attention!
(I used a little electronic recorder many times when Debi was making her plans, so when you read “Debi said” it is exactly what she said.)
“I was going to ask the whole primary to sing … ‘Father in heaven are you really there and do you hear and answer every child’s prayer. Some say that heaven is far away I feel it close around me when I pray.’ I like it cause it’s a child and an adult singing. And I think it’s the one my little friend Katee sang with Brother Walker at the last presentation. I’ve known little miss Katie since she was a baby. And she’s not afraid to sing in public. She’s 8 or nine right now. She’s so beautiful - she’s got porcelain skin and kind of reddish hair; she’s just beautiful. Brother Walker … has a very nice not overpowering adult voice.”
Debi’s dear friend, Shieva, (she met Dr. Shieva Khayam-Bashi when they both went to help after the Katrina disaster) wrote Debi a letter last spring and when I read it to her, she said, “well, that can be my obituary!” and she asked Shieva to read it at her memorial. Which she did. It was beautiful. (Maybe I can put it here as an attachment or something for those who would like to read it.)
“Shieva sort of described our relationship. She is going to read that for the eulogy. A eulogy is a review of the person’s life. And the other part is praise for what the person’s done. A eulogy can be done at other times; don’t have to wait ‘til a person dies. Like if a person retires a eulogy can be given. I know we seem to always think it’s something that goes along with death. Anyway, she asked if she could read that and I said ‘yeah, it’s not really my life, but it’s a portion."
My Journal entry - 6 July 2007 - A young man [James Wigginton] whom she's watched grow up and admired his beautiful voice came to see her the other day. Of course they talked music. She asked him to sing a song she's heard him do exceptionally beautifully, "Come thou Fount of Every Blessing", at her funeral. Like most people he can't handle that "f" word and said "let's sing to each other for our birthdays"
She thought that was a good idea and also tried to get him to agree that they'd sing at each other's funerals - "whichever way it works out". He agreed.
When Debi called his home a few weeks ago to confirm the plan, his mother told her that he was away at BYU and wouldn’t be back until graduation in May. Debi said, “well, that’s probably too late.” Debi was also glad to hear that he was expecting a baby about now. So James Wigginton sent a beautiful letter to be read by whoever did sing Come thou Fount of Every Blessing. But, Debi, being Debi, had a back-up all ready to go. . “The someone else is Scott Rivers. Just got back from his mission. His mom and I worked together for girls’ camp. And now she’s the girls’ camp director.” And what a marvelous choice that was! He very articulately read the letter and so beautifully sang the song. It was so beautiful, in fact, that after the service people were trying to schedule him to sing it at their funerals!
A year or so ago Debi had asked Kim, Wes’ wife, to read a poem that she, Debi, had written about her cremation, but as the time went by, Debi decided it would not be quite appropriate. She had planned on writing another one, but wasn’t able to. She was ok with having Kim read one that I, her Mother, had modified, Lord, I Would Follow Thee. <>
Jeannie writes, Over the years this has become, in my mind, Debi’s hymn. I always think of her when we sing it or when I hear it. It has gradually taken on a modification of its own – not from me, but from her life. I could explain all the meanings it has for me, but I feel that it is self-explanatory.
Lord She Would Follow Thee
Debi dear has learned to love thee,
Walked the path that thou hast shown,
Paused to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond her own.
Debi dear has learned to love thee —
Lord, she does follow thee.
Never one to judge another
Helping those with hidden pain
In whose quiet hearts are hidden
Sorrow that the eye can’t see.
Never one to judge another
Lord, she does follow thee.
She would be her brother’s keeper;
She has learned the healer’s art.
To the wounded and the weary
She always shows a gentle heart.
She would be her brother’s keeper—
Lord, she does follow thee.
Debi ever loves her brother
As she knows thou lovest all,
Finds in thee her strength, her beacon,
For thy servant hears thy call.
Debi always loves her brother
Lord, she does follow thee.
When I was running the plans by Ron, he asked about an open mic for an opportunity for those whose lives have been touched by Debi to share a brief recollection or experience. I am so glad he suggested that. The Shared Memories of Debi’s life were very revelatory; it was uplifting to hear of lives she had affected in so many ways – nurses, firemen, patients, friends, family.
Debi/DH/Ziba had chosen for the closing hymn God Be With You ‘Til We Meet Again because “you don’t have to be a member of the church to know that one and it really says a lot.”
Alice, Ron’s wife, gave a beautiful closing prayer.
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